Rat scratch fever

Brought back from a doomed space mission, an army of giant rats develop a big appetite for Los Angeles residents.

Well, the plot for this little nugget of joy was enough for me to buy the movie, especially after viewing the trailer that is a feast of loving cheese full of tacky models and full size mutant rat heads. Yes, I had to own it and as soon as the dvd arrived I sat down in front of the tv (to my girlfriends great pain. Not a fan of cheesy monstermovies I'm afraid to say) and started to worry. Can this really be good? 105 minutes of low budget monsters can be painful if the heart isnt in the right place. So, let's get down to brass tacks. Rat scratch fever is essentially a throwback to 50s monstermovies such as Quatermass experiment and First man in space. A previously unknown planet is discovered on the other side of the solar system and an expedition is sent to explore. They find remains of a dead civilization and somehow manage to wake an army of giant killer rats. All but one of the crew is killed and the final survivor, sexy Sonja, manages to get away in the spaceship though not before a rat sneaks its way into her vagina, taking over her completely. She returns to earth (with a bunch of rats hidden onboard), at first not realizing that she has a rodentproblem in her brain and wanders about in the desert while the company in charge of the expedition tries to find her before she reaches Los Angeles and brings on the end of the world.

First of all, I have to applaud the makers of Rat scratch fever for bringing back the fine plot device "Rat enters body through vagina", something we havent seen since Bruno Matteis lovely Rats: Nights of terror. I'm sure some of you out there will see this as horrible exploitation but to me it is just another fun way to get that very sentence you really like to hear yourself uttering while watching a movie: "Yes, they did do just that!". And for the squeamish, it isnt actually shown. Any movie which features this is good in my book.

The first thing that strikes you when you watch the movie is the very apparent cheapness of the effects, very much Bert I Gordon on a tenth of his budgets. A "normie" would probably look at this and dismiss it as low budget crap but for a person like me who has seen quite a few of this type of movie it is apparent that quite a lot of work went into making it look like this. Remote controlled cars are used as vehicles, rats are simply superimposed onto photographs (just like in Bert I Gordons movies), cheesy full size rats are all over the place and there are tons of simple models ready to be blown into bits. The point is that the simple cheapness of all of this is not just that it makes you smile while watching it but also drives the plot forward in the most efficient way possible. All of the needed set-pieces are there and the 105 minutes flow by in a good pace. Another positive is the fact that the movie is played almost completely straight (apart from a few "actors" who barely can keep themselves from smiling as they sit on cheap sets enhanced by some simple digital trickery) and the acting is way better than I expected, especially Tasha Tacosha as the rat-infested astronaut and Randal Malone chewing scenery as the Company man in charge of hunting Sonja down.

Oh, I had such a great time with this and I realize that I will repeat myself now because I have written the exact same thing in other reviews - this is proof that great ideas and a bit of ingenuity can be as good as a shitload of money. Rat scratch fever has a lot of that and if you are into a bit of low budget mayhem - Rat scratch fever is a must buy.

Wakusei Daisenso (1977)

This movie brings back memories, so far back that they aren’t exactly crystal clear. Sometime during the early 80s, 1982 or 1983, my parents took me on a trip to the southern parts of Sweden to visit relatives and as soon as we arrived I got a high fever and was basically bedridden for a week. My relatives had a vhsplayer (this was before we had one of our own) and I managed to persuade them to rent a movie I had checked out earlier called Planeternas Krig (Planet wars - a not so subtle Star Wars reference). I spent the following day watching the movie over and over and over again and this is about the only thing I remember about this particular holiday. Now some 30 years later I finally managed to get hold of the dvd of this very movie and while my memories of it were distant and clouded, I still got a sense of joy just by owning it. During the years that have passed I have also found out that the movie was directed by the infamous Jun Fukuda, fuckerupper of many a Godzillamovie which made me wonder if I would still like the movie. The question is, is the movie as good as my boiling 10 year old brain remembers it?

Things are rough in the future that is 1988. When a space station is destroyed the Japanese government realizes that something is up and revives the Gohten project (Yes, the T should have been before the H), a giant spaceship built to protect Earth from nasty aliens. It doesn’t take long before the skies are filled with of thousands of small Ufos, blowing up cities by the hundreds with their lasers. Que lovely Toho mass destruction. The mean aliens are traced to the planet of Venus and the Goth, I mean Goht, is sent to clean up the place for good. The aliens won’t make this easy of course, kidnapping the Captains daughter and coming up with lots of other ways that they think will stop our heroes. Lasers galore!

The Fukuda stigma lies heavily over the movie and the first 20 minutes are mostly filled with dialogue and internal strife, but as soon as the mayhem starts everything gets plain awesome and manages to keep a fun momentum all the way to the end. There's a shitload of excellent effects and destruction, making me giggle like a child in a toy store. It is pretty obvious that the movie is heavily influenced by Star Wars (the even got their own wookie - but with horns) but it all has a Japanese tint that keeps it away from straight plagiarizing. What we have here is 90 mins of pure laser filled fun and that is enough for me, making me recommend this one to all lovers of Japanese mass destruction. To use the old cotton candy comparison again, it might not be good for you but it tastes so yummy!

Wakusei Daisenso aka War in space will from now on be remembered as the movie that made me stop disliking Jun Fukuda and that's quite a feat. If you like Kaijumovies you will love this.

The Abomination (1986)

Oooookkk... Listen to this.

Cody lives in a rundown house down white trash lane with his religious mother that spends her days watching television evangelist Brother Fogg, beliving that only he can cure her of her lungcancer. After a healing session on the tv she coughs up a tumor which then mysteriously disappears, only to crawl into Codys mouth during the night. This strange tumor now takes over Cody completely, spawning additional weird creatures that start to nest in the kitchen all while making him kill random (and not so random) people in various cheap and graphic ways.

Wow. The Abomination is truly a wonder to watch. I have no idea what the budget was but it cant have been more than pennies, which makes the whole thing so much more impressive. Yes, it is cheap and horrendously acted (not made better by the fact that the movie was obviously shot on super 8 and dubbed afterwards by a group of people with the enthusiasm of sloths) but the movie rests on the awesome foundation that is THE ABOMINATION!. This creature is a huge mass of teeth and tentacles, filling the cupboards and drawers with its gloopy, rubbery nastiness. When Cody isnt outside slitting peoples throats or whacking off heads with shovels to feed the creature he brings them home and even gore ensues. If you can stick with the excruciatingly droning dialogue there is much joy to be had from all the stupid silliness of The Abomination. It's like David Cronenberg designed a goreversion of the muppet show, only to have Andy Milligan rewrite and direct it, just mindboggling and so plain odd and entertaining. Recommended for fans of 80s cheapo gore and those of us that like a little cozy weirdness on their screens.¨

You can buy it here on a doubledvd with Ozone: Attack of the redneck mutants.

Nuklear zombies (1989)

Sometime in the future after some sort of catastrophy the surviving humanity live in the cities, never venturing outside since the wilderness is infested with the living dead. Max Maker, the hero of this story, travels out into the wild to search for survivors but encounters only death.

What we have here is 25 minutes of gore and a great atmosphere with the added bonus of a hero that looks a lot like Han Solo. That is because he is Han solo. Well, actually a Han Solo action figure. All the characters are action figures except for a barbiedoll or two. What we really have here is a crude stop motion postapocalypse zombiemovie shot with a Super 8 camera using dolls and actionfigures (A Tattooine landspeeder even makes an appearance). There is no sound except for the soundtrack that lifts music from movies such as John Carpenters Halloween and the only dialogue is told through corny intertitles in German. And i loved it.

The biggest reason that I liked this is the fact that this is truly something that I wish that I had made when I was 15 (just guessing. I have no idea how old the filmmakers were at the time). It is crude and repetitive but the simple yet effective sets combined with action figures turned into zombies by melting off pieces of their heads is just so lovable. I must have a subconsious fear of the cold, blank stare that these plastic pieces of old have since I find them nicely creepy. There is no real plot to speak of. Han Solo, I mean Max Maker, kills zombies during the day and sleeps in a cabin at night all while some sort of supernuklearzombie watches over him, waiting to finish him off. Torn up action figures are covered in blood, melted and blown up until the end that promises a sequel. And thats it. Freaking awesome, the fun factor is as high as the stop motion is crude.

Easter bunny kill kill! (2006)

The main reason I bought this movie was because a friend of mine has an somewhat unhealthy obsession with bunnies, flooding all of his digital life with imagery to the point that people are starting to abhor him. We have a semi-regular gathering that consists of him cooking and me bringing strange movies to watch while we gorge ourselves on pulled pork, yummy burgers and whatever else he wants to dazzle us with. Naturally Easter bunny kill kill seemed like a movie we HAD to watch so we did. And what a ride.

The first thing that caught my eye was the little blurb on the back of the UK dvd:

"Contains strong gory violence and sexualised hard drug use"

My mind started wandering, giving me the strangest images of sex and drugs possible. What the hell was all that? This could be really odd and really awesome. But then I realized that this was the British Board of Classification speaking, which would likely mean that a naked chick smoked weed and not the rampaging giant mutant clitoris injecting heroin that I was picturing in my head. In the end I was disappointed, there was just snorting of cocaine off naked breasts and talk of drugged molestation. But the movie itself did give me so much more that all I could be angry at was the lame conservatives at the BBFC for their rating.

Easter bunny kill kill with its alluring title is the brainchild of writer/director Chad Ferrin and deals with Nicholas, a retarded sixteen year old who is left at home with her mother’s new lover as she has to work. Remington, who is shown killing a store clerk during the movies first minutes, is quite the douchebag who plays a nice guy when Nicholas mom is around but calls his pedophile drug dealer friend Ray as soon as she leaves and promises the freak some action in exhange for drugs. Remington goes out and gets himself some prostitutes (que the sexualised hard drug use) while Ray starts preparing for his dirty deed. Depraved yes, and now the psychokiller with the bunny mask arrive on the scene killing with much brutality.

One thing that might put people off is the pacing (in fact, one of the people I watched this with started playing solitaire on the phone about halfway through the movie as she was bored beyond belief). Easter Bunny kill kill takes its time introducing all the characters and the gore and violence doesnt start until at least 45 minutes have passed. Personally I didn’t mind since the time spent with the players did what it was supposed to do, it told a story that made me interested in the characters. And those characters, holy fuck. Timothy Muskatell in the role of Remington chews scenery like his life depended upon it, singing hilarious little songs (Hookers and cocaine... hookers! And cocaine... Awesome. I want this as a ringtone for my iphone) and at times sounding like a villain from an old serial, if not for the fact that he is verbally assaulting a retarded kid. David Z Stamp plays the heavy breathing pedophile in very much the same manner and he is a hoot. Ricardo Gray doesn’t really fare that well, his interpretation of a mentally impaired person sometimes borders on the absurd, slightly overdoing it. He never goes crossed the line to over the top and you get used to it. In fact, it really does suit the movies deranged intentions. The other actors do an decent enough job, even though they aren’t as memorably weird as Muskatell and Stamp.

But the real star of Easter bunny kill kill is the writer/director, Chad Ferrin (something he really proved with his next movie, Someone's knocking at the door which is a fucking masterpiece of sexualised hard drug use). He shows a lot of talent in telling this piece of dementia, giving the movie a good flow (apart from a few scenes that could have been a bit more tightly edited such as when the pedophile crawls around on the floor when trying to find the kid which drags on a bit too long) and most importantly: keeping you entertained. The story is distastefully fun and leads to a really far out ending while still remaining somewhat predictable especially when it comes to the identity of the killer. You have to see it to fully get my point. The budget was obviously very low but the filmmakers worked around this in various smart ways such as having the movie take place in a house that is being renovated with all the furniture covered in plastic. An excellent way around budget shortages. The violence is brutal and plentiful; people are drilled, sawed and hammered to death. My favorite scene is where an intruder has his head smashed to bits with a hammer with a short cutaway where a piece of skull messily landing on the floor. Hardcore.

So, if you have any sort of interest in low budget dementia and gore you could most likely be a candidate for liking this. Sure, the overacting, the slow pace and the whole very unsubtle way that the movie pounds in its freaky stuff might be off-putting for the average movie fan but I sure as hell had a deliciously good time.

Night of the sorcerers (1973)

An expedition travels to Africa to investigate the disappearance of elephants in a particular area. When they arrive the local population warns them not to wander around in the jungle at night, especially not around the old sacrificial grounds nearby. For the sake of plot development you know what will happen. It doesn’t take long before the pretty young ladies of the expedition have been sacrificed to a god and resurrected as leopardvampires (meaning they wear leopard bikinis and jump around in slomo). The hero of the movie could probably have stopped all of this early on but he was much too busy boning his girlfriend every time it was his watch. Now he has to stop the evil leopardvampires before it is too late. Or something.

My first thought was that this felt a lot like one of those awful Jess Franco adventure/cannibalmovies. The plot, the environment (a Spanish national park standing in for Africa) and the large number of naked breasts in plain view(including something every movie should have. Nude flashbacks) makes all of this comfortably sleazy and enjoyable. However, this is not the average sloppy zoom fest of Franco, Amando De Ossorios movie is surprisingly well made on a budget that obviously was very low. The photography is good and although there is a shitload of so so day for night scenes it still works well. Maria Kosty, Kali Hansa and Loretta Tovar prance around in the jungle wearing as little clothes as possible which make Night of the sorcerers so much more fun to watch. Simon Andreau does an decent job as the hero who can’t resist putting his penis in his girlfriend even if it means that he endangers the lives of everyone else and Jack Taylor is his usual dependable mustached self as the leader of the expedition. This is a fun exploitationmovie who can’t really be described as good but is still full of yummy goodness. The ritual that is used to create the vampires is particularly sleazy, whipping the clothes of the ladies and decapitating them. I mean, come on. You can’t hate stuff like that. It might be impossible to take the movie seriously due to the leopardwomen that jump around in the jungle in slomo while they hiss. But you do get all gooey and warm inside while watching it.

Spider Labyrinth (1988)

Gianfranco Giangnis Spider labyrinth aka Il Nide del ragno is somehow a rather unknown movie. It is an Italian piece of horror that was released during the end of the great era when Italian exploitation was dying a slow death which resulted in that it didn't get the attention it deserved. A sad thing really since this is an excellent flick that should be more known to horror fans than it is. It might not be a masterpiece but it is among the best of the genre movies that came out in the late 80s.

We meet young professor Alan Whitmore working on a religious science project where people are trying to learn more about a hidden religion that seems to be spread all around the world, yet very little is actually known. He travels to Hungary to meet a professor Roth who has delved into the very same matters and finds him sick, delirious and very paranoid. Whitmore is asked to return the next day upon Prof Roth is found hanging in the ceiling in something that looks like spider web. Roth did manage to leaves some sort of clue and when Whitmore starts to unravel them he realizes that the whole town seems to be in on it, members of some sort of ancient spider cult who wants to keep their secrets out of the public eye.

Italian exploitation that has as much meat and substance as Spider labyrinth are rare. The script is excellent and actually manages to stay away from all those usual leaps of logic that these movies are known for. Gianfranco Giangnis direction is fully concentrated on maximum atmosphere, greatly helped by excellent cinematography and Franco Piersantis score straight out of the Bernard Herrman school of music writing. Fans of cinematic violence get their fair share of stylish grue thanks to Sergio Stivalettis good special effects.

Ok, so I can’t really just pour on with the asskissing here and there are a few nitpicks, the most crucial one is the acting. The lead actor to be precise. Roland Wybenga as Whitmore has a annoyingly droning and dull way of spouting out his lines and he sounds more like spoiled child in the scenes where he is supposed to be panicking. The script is well written but I don’t really understand how such an intentionally slow movie can feel so short. We need more! 10-20 more minutes of exposition would have done wonders for the movie, more background on the Spider cult for instance. These are only minor annoyances, nothing that will destroy your enjoyment. The plot sucks you in and these thoughts only come afterwards, the story moves forward in such an exciting way all towards a fine ending that you don’t care. If you like old school Italian horror then Spider Labyrinth is something you really should track down