onsdag 9 november 2011

Five reasons why Firecracker probably is the best movie ever made.

1. The Plot. Evil nasty drugpeddlers unfold the stupidest scheme ever to cut out a middleman while staging martial arts fights to the death in their private arena. Come on, this is brilliant! It does not fit together anywhere and is just awesome.

2. The "acting". Vic Diaz is his usual funny self, but the others? Jillian Kesner was not much of an actress and supposedly a female karate champ but the fightscenes are so goofy that you can never tell, especially since they are all slightly sped up. She does look really good without clothes and that topless fight on the construction site is one of the best pieces of entertainment ever produced anywhere. Period.

3. The music. As far as I can tell every piece of music is lifted straight out of Robert Houstons reworking of the first two Lone wolf and Cub movies, Shogun Assassin. And its credited to a Nonong Buencamino.

4. The violence. Not only does the before mentioned topless fight scene include a guy falling back on a scythe and a bad guy tumbling face first into an electric saw, the final demise of the evil, evil bad guy who killed our heroines sister is fucking great. Every movie should end with the bad guy getting *spoiler* his eyes gorily punctured in close up with wooden sticks! *end of spoiler*

5. That topless fight. Nuff said.

A special mention goes to the lovescene with the heroine and the main bad guy, where they slowly and very erotically slice off each others clothes with a knife, all set to schmaltzy pianomusic in what has to be the most unexciting sexscene since Don Dohlers Nightbeast.

No, firecracker is not a good movie. Actually, it hasnt any qualities that would make it come even close to being a good movie. But all that cheezy acting, the nudity and the violence and the general throwing in the kitchen sink feeling of it all just makes it so damn fun to watch. What you should do now is to go out and buy Roger Corman's Cult Classics: Lethal Ladies Collection of which this is part of. No extras on Firecracker, but a good print and an all round excellent dvdset. Go get it. NOW.

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