Devil's pass aka The Dyatlov pass incident (2013)

 

I have no qualms about saying that Renny Harlin is one of my favorite directors when it comes to violent, easy going entertainment. Deep blue sea is a masterpiece in cheesy fun, Die hard 2 is one of the few sequels out there on par with the original and I adore his Exorcist prequel (Paul Schraders version is just plain boring, a horror movie made by a person that did not want to make a horror movie). And let us not forget Prison, a really fun eighties horrormovie that deserve a lot of praise. When I heard that he was making a found footage horror movie my expectations soared. I have not given up on the genre yet and Harlin sure as hell didn't make me want to quit it. Yes, this is quite a good movie actually.

Devil's pass is based on / inspired by a true story about nine hikers found dead in the Ural mountains in 1959, their deaths shrouded in mystery and strange circumstances that has fueled conspiracy theories ever since. (You can read about it here). A group of American filmmakers decides to travel to Russia to shoot a documentary about the event and, well, strange things start to happen as they arrive on the site where the bodies were found. Then there is a twist in the end. A quite nice one actually.

It'll be safe to say that Harlin does not reinvent the wheel here. There is nothing new on the agenda but he does bring his professionalism along on the ride, which means that all the trappings of the genre are there but so much more bearable than what we might be used to. The shakycam isn't particulary vomitinducing, the characters aren't nowhere near as annoying as in for instance A night in the woods and the fact that it was actually shot on location in Russia does wonders for authenticity. The script takes it's sweet time building up until the final events but the atmosphere is great and the final half hour pretty damn exciting up until the final twist which is actually quite fun. The actors do their jobs and we all end up with one of the better Found footage movies of the last five years.

In short, unremarkable yet very entertaining horror. Well worth your time.

Within the rock (1996)

Recognize this story? An large asteroid is heading towards Earth and total destruction is inevitable. A team of miners are dispatched in a spaceship (actually, they're close by, harvesting other asteroids) to drill a large hole in it and blow it into tiny pieces. There are two problems. First of all, they have to drill deep enough in a very short amount of time to be able to detonate before it reaches earth. Secondly, it seems that someone has used this particular piece of rock to store a very nasty alien creature that of course breaks out and starts to play Ten little Indians with the mining crew. We know exactly how this will go. And Xander Berkeley plays yet another asshole. Which is nice.

Yes, Within the rock is truly and well a standard movie, there is nothing original about the concept. The script is for a lot of the running time just a jumble of scenes we've seen before but thanks to a director who paid attention to his evening classes the movie works a lot better than it really should. The sets are nicely detailed for its budget and the camerawork suitably claustrophobic, making the stolen scenes from Alien much more worthwhile than you'd expect thanks to a cast and crew that elevates the material to a point that is almost better than it deserves. If you, like me, love Alien clones you will adore this movie. We have a guy in a cool rubbermonstersuit running around killing people and sometimes that is more than enough to make your evening wonderful. I'd choose this over any Saw ripoff everytime and so should you.

The Final terror (1983)

I will admit, The Final terror was a really positive surprise. I was expecting a straight forward slasher, this having been shot just a year after Friday the 13th and with what on the surface seems like a very similar plot and the poster didn't make me think any differently with its lovely hysteric depiction of a young couple running away from something.

And sure enough, it starts out with a whole collection of cliches. A young couple is killed in the woods, we skip forward to a group of youths about to head out into the very same forest complete with possibly deranged handyman, a campfire retelling of a horrible event that happened years ago and people going missing. But then the movie transforms into something else. Instead we get a movie about the remaining people trying to survive, hunted by an unknown assailant and we find ourselves watching something much more similar to Deliverance or Rituals. And it does quite a good job with it too all the way to its maybe not particulary surprising but still very exciting conclusion.

If you went into this expecting a slasher I would not hold it against you if you were dissapointed but I quite like the direction the movie takes, even if you take into account the fact that the exploitation factor is quite low. There is very little gore and nudity on display here, the body count is not very high but we are rewarded with quite a lot of atmosphere as the survivors trek through the rainsoaked thick forest followed by something that wants to kill them. The characters might be a bit standard but most of the acting is fairly good with some familiar faces like Daryl Hannah, Rachel Ward and Joe Pantoliano before they hit the big time (and I was relieved when Rachel Ward actually has a british accent).

So, in short, a good watch that might not be what you would expect it to be. If you like movies like Deliverance or Rituals you'd probably enjoy this too. I watched this on a fairly poor rip from a vhs which makes some of the nightscenes a chore to watch so I really hope that this will pop up on dvd or blu ray soon.

The Horror at 37000 feet (1973)

An internet acquaintance wrote that he used to watch this over and over again after taping this from telly and I can tell you that I am quite jealous of this, The Horror at 37000feet is a movie I would have loved to watch when I was a young. There is a certain strong cozy feeling about this kind of movie and you know what I am talking about if you've seen a few of the cheapo tv disaster-movies that were mass-produced in the seventies. That is basically what this is, a disaster movie with a cast of faces you recognize and an event onboard that is about to bring the plane down. Only this time it is supernatural.

A wealthy architect and his mentally fragile British wife are bring parts of an old ancestral abbey on board a plane and plan to bring it to the US. Of course, this means that they are bringing ancient druid spirits along for the ride and they are not happy to leave their home country. They demand sacrifice! Will it be Buddy Ebsen, the grumpy billionaire? Will it be William Shatner, not at his best as an alcoholic priest who has lost his faith which of course means he will be integral to the conclusion? Will it be Chuck Connors, slumming it up as the plane’s pilot? Or any of the other cast members of which several are speaking with really bad English accents?

The Horror at 37000 feet is first and firmly very cheap which means that as a tv-movie we are not allowed to see just about anything of the horror itself. There are very few deaths and the horror elements are no more than a lot of dry ice and slime pouring out of a hole in the carpet rug. But somehow this is quite effective in spite of really just being silly, as in the scene where the passengers try to calm down the angry spirits by sacrificing a doll to which they've glued human hair and nails upon which it erupts from within with that strange slime. Odd and weird in a nice way. The actors overact like any normal American tv-actor should and I wouldn't want it any other way. Yes, this is by the numbers but I like this kind of math a lot and as it is only 70 minutes long it is over before you know it. Great fun and I really wish I had been 10 years old when watching this for the first time instead of 40. I'm pretty sure it would have haunted my nights well into my teens.

 

Syfy Orgy.

I do have a certain fetish for Syfy originals or movies that have their premiere on the channel. They're easy to get into and most of the time far from boring as long as you know what you are getting yourself into. The last few weeks I've been home looking after our newborn daughter and what better to do with my miniscule spare time than to watch movies like this? So here goes, the latest batch:

Sharknado (2013)

 

Seriously, if you go into this expecting a good movie then you have only yourself to blame. But if you are in the mood for silly cheese, Sharknado delivers most of the time. It is a cheap movie about tornadoes full of sharks, come on. How the hell did John Heard end up in a movie like this?!?!

Dark Island (2010)

 

Not sure if this is a Syfy premiere but it sure as hell feels like one as we follow a group of people on an abandoned island being infected by a black mist, very Syfy. Story is intriguing, sfx are better than I expected but the characters are weak and the actors so-so. A decent view.

Mandrake (2010)

 

Not bad horror about a giant walking plantcreature in the jungle (shot in Louisiana). A decent script, minor gore and better than average special effects make this a decent watch, though I would have liked even more creature and less of an adventuremovie. And Betsy Russel sure as hell has aged well.

Arachnoquake (2012)

 

Yes, the sfx are subpar and the tone of the movie is a bit too silly but then again is kinda hard to hate a movie with such an awesome title and one that features firebreathing spiders. Pretty good as these movies go.

Shark week (2012)

 

I usually have a lot of tolerance for Asylum movies but this one is truly truly awful. Listen to the plot: a group of people are kidnapped by a drugbaron and told that they will be given their freedom if they survive a number of encounters with different sharks (which usually means that they will go into a partially flooded cave and flap around while someone in the fx-department later adds a poorly lit cgishark). And thats about it. The dialogue is as awful as the actors (though Patrick Bergin and Yancy Butler seem to have some fun spouting their strange lines). Just mindnumbingly dull and about 90 minutes too long.

And now I feel like I have to watch something with a brain. Shark week almost killed me.

The Colony (2013)

In a setup straight out of a Syfy original, the last remnant of humanity are hiding in bunkers underground after global warming combined with weather tinkering has caused Earth to freeze. Their existence is harsh and a simple flu can have devastating consequences. When they receive an S.O.S from a colony a days journey away a rescue party is sent out, only to find out that everyone is dead. Murdered. Ensue some bloodletting.

When a movie with a very simple plot has four writers you know something is wrong and my expectations were pretty damn low but this scifi/horror hybrid about wasn't that bad, just a bit cliched. There is only going from plot point A to plot point B and so on, without us ever really caring about any of the cast. When things do get going it is actually fairly entertaining and there is even a bit of gore. The plot is simple to the extreme, the characters thin as that wafer in Monty Pythons Meaning of life but sometimes you need a movie like that. Think of it as a Syfy original with a slightly larger budget. And Bill Paxton playing an asshole.

The Colony is a so so movie with just about enough entertainment to keep you satisfied to the end and although I don't really think I would recommend it to anyone other than a few people in in circle of friends that appreciate movies like this, I still don't regret actually buying it.

The Slaughter (2006)

Ok, stop me if you've heard this story before.

A group of EXTREMELY annoying youths arrive at an old house with the purpose of fixing it up in order to sell it. They moan and whine and behave like immature assholes (come on, the guy who spouts crap about the conformist society who bends to the whims of capitalism is quite possibly the most annoying character EVER! And he is one of the leads!). Soon they find a book in the basement, stuff is read from it and something evil is unleashed.

To the credit of the filmmakers, The Slaughter looks quite good for what was obviously a very low budget movie. The location is used well and the camerawork nicely atmospheric. We also get some cheesy nudity and a bit of nasty gore. Unfortunately all of this is destroyed by a really horrible script and a lot of overacting. The Slaughter has a script that wants to be a huge wink to the genre fans, there is a lot of very cheesy dialogue that feels like leftovers from a Scream sequel and none of it works.The actors try their hardest but it just doesn't work and the movie becomes more and more of a chore to watch the further you get.

I suppose I might be a bit harsh on the Slaughter, if this was an 80s movie i had just discovered on a rip from a vhstape then I would be a lot more forgiving. And to tell you the truth, I have seen a lot worse movies. But in the end, this is just a big wasted Meh. You'd do a lot better watching director Jay Lees Zombie strippers instead, the winking there works a lot better.