Attack of the crab monsters (1957)

Roger Corman is awesome. If you're reading a blog like this, chances are that you are already fully aware of that fact but I just wanted to remind you of the fact. Todays evidence is the wonderful little movie Attack of the Crab monsters, a title that tells you exactly what need while still having a plot that is way more intelligent than you would expect.


What a magnificent specimen.

Agroup of scientists arrive at a small island to find its previous occupants missing. While inhabiting the house the earlier people lived in they realize that something strange is going on. People start to go missing and their disembodied voices are heard in the night. Yes, its crabs. Not that crabs (sorry, I couldnt resist) but giant mutant crabs that assimilate their victims intelligence and speak with their voices to lure the survivors to their doom, all while reducing the island to swiss cheese by digging tunnels.

The movie was made for $70000 and this shows, mainly in the rather limited outdoors locations, but the quality of the script outweighs this by far, especially with the scenes of the crabs trying to lure the next victim out for a midnight snack. The acting is a bit stiff and hysterical, but that is fairly common with movies from this era. Roger Corman directs with a pace that never lets you be bored and the crabs? The movie is from 1957, crabs looked like that back then. All in all, this is a fine piece of monstermovie for all the fans of the genre.

Zombies of mass destruction (2009)

One thing that may anger me greatly is when the female lead in a lowbudget horrormovie doesnt take her clothes off. For a horrormovie to succeed there has to be a large amount of well made gore and copious amounts of nudity, it's as simple as that. A good director, a well written script and some good acting might help too, but in the end it exploding heads and tits that I want. Which makes this movie even harder for me to review of course. Not that it is some kind of exceptional movie, Zombie of mass destruction is really "just" Above average, but the direction is decent, it has an incredibly cute lead actress (the gorgeous Janette Armand) who refuses to show herself in nothing less than her underwear and has a script that actually tries to say something about racism, US politics, religion and homosexuality, even though most of it isnt exactly subtle and very often is disguised with jokes. My main gripe with this is that I kind of feel like an asshole when I bitch about wanting more boobies. I'm not used to watching movies with messages. With that off my chest: Who am I kidding? I want more naked breasts!

Janette Armand plays Frida Abbas, a young Iranian girl living with her father in a small Island town outside the coast of America, having just dropped out of school. At the same time a young man arrives in town with his boyfriend with plans to let his mother know that he is gay. While he tries to get the guts to tell his mom and Frida tries to dodge the typical small town racist thoughts that she might be a terrorist, what do you think happens? Well, if you read the title you realize that there will be a zombie outbreak and our character desperately trie to survive. Yes, we've seen it all before.

And that is what this movie is all about. We have seen it all before. The plot is old and the satire is obvious, however well intended. But with that said, I would still recommend Zombies of mass destruction to all fans of zombiemovies for a couple of reasons. It is a decent horrormovie with a somewhat slow buildup to a rewarding last half and it has huge amount of ripped out throats, exploding heads and other fun stuff with excellent make up effects. The actors seem to have fun with their roles and most of the jokes actually work, however crude they might be from time to time. In short - if you like zombiemovies you will most likely like this.

Atragon (1963)

I will freely admit that Ishirō Honda is one of my favorite directors of all time. I eat and sleep Kaiju overall and Hondas output is truly the finest of them all. Atragon is perhaps not one of Hondas best (I reserve that to Mysterians, Godzilla vs Monster zero and Matango), but it still one heck of a fun movie. This time its Atlantis aka the lost continent of Mu who is behind the grand massdestruction. You see, they want the Earth back (it used to consist of their colonies) and if we dont do what they say, they will kick the living daylights out of us. The only hope is a submarine, Atragon, which some people say that it dont even exist. On the other hand, The Mu-people are fairly sure of its existence and want it destroyed.

From the excellent beginning (the people of Mu kidnapping scientists) to the end where massdestruction sets in, Atragon is Honda delivering the goods. The cast is full of faces you recognize like Kenji Sahara and Akihiko Hirata and the special effects are as wonderful as you expect them to be in this era of japanese filmmaking. My only complaint would be that Manda, kaiju of the month, only is in it for a very short time but we get enough cool destruction anyway. An excellent movie which should be in every fan of Tsuburaya och Hondas collection.

Terror (1978)

If there ever was proof that Norman J Warren was a more than capable moviedirector, Terror is it. The plot is flimsy, simple to the extreme, but the separate horrorscenes and the movies general pace is excellent. This is also the most Giallolike non-italian movie I have ever seen, which really isnt that strange since Warren openly admits that the biggest inspiration for this movie was Dario Argentos Suspiria.
Terror starts with a prologue in ancient times where a witch is caught and burnt at stake, not before uttering a curse upon the family responsible for hunting her down. A couple of hundred years later a moviedirector is having a party in his his house and when one of the guests is hypnotized for fun, she begins to speak in a strange voice that utters they very sam ecurse we heard in the beginning of the movie. Everyone laughs it off as a joke, but it doesnt take long before people in the directors surroundings start dying one by one...

So, what he have here is basically an english verison of the italian Giallo. There is not much plot at all, just long, stylish and well shot sequences of grue, spiced up with a bit of nudity. Exactly the way we want it. Warren is a very competent director, and Terror keeps up the momentum from beginning to the end even though the plot is thinner than my collection of Adam Sandler-movies. There are several really cool sequences such as the one where a filmstudio "comes alive" or the one that ends with a cameo by Peter Mayhew, aka Chewbacca. This is top quality exploitation and if you havent seen it already, do so. Even better, track down the Anchor Bay Norman J Warren box which has this movie, plus a number of his other including Inseminoid and Satans slave, all with numerous cool extras. It might be out of print though so it can be a bit pricey. But it is really worth it.

Blind womans curse aka Tattoed swordswoman(1970)

From the moment I received this dvd I knew that this was something I would like. Starring the great Meiko Kaji and directed by Teruo Ishii with a plot that mixes horror, grue and swordplay, how can you fail? But for some reason it took me several attempts to finish the movie, not because it is bad or boring, but instead the fact that I think I'm just a bit bored with movies lately. I should just watch big budget trash instead, not fine movies like this.

Meiko Kaji plays a young member of the Tachibana clan who is having a rather rough time at the moment. Another clan is secretly plotting their demise and is getting help from a mysterious blind woman and her hunchback henchman. Soon, young girls of the clan are found dead with their back tattoos removed and all of this points back to something Akemi did five years earlier, placing a curse on her.

Yes, this is good stuff.

S1wordplay, blood geysers and Meiko Kaji. You cant really go wrong with that. But as I mentioned earlier, the first half of the movie was really hard to get through which is a shame, since this is prime Teruo Ishii. His wild imagination with the camera and the setdesign really shines from time to time. Fortunately the last half ups the violence and fun stuff to the point that I (momentarily) had to drag myself out of that damn rut. This is something that every fan of Teruo Ishii, Meiko Kaji and japanese genremovies will like. I would even recommend this to the lovers of the more violent and fantastic Shaw Brothers movies of the eighties. Someday I will watch this again when I can appreciate it to the fullest.

Shooter (2007)

Here is another movie that's too big budget an dmainstream too really fit in here, other than the fact that this is really a throwback to 80s action. Mark Wahlberg plays a supersniper who is hired by members of the government to look for a possible attempt to assassinate the Us president, but is really a scapegoat for something entirely different. Now on the run, Wahlberg spends the rest of the movie shooting lots of people in the head while trying to clear his name, which is great entertainment. A fairly lightweight conspiracyactionthriller which is low on shakeycam, this is excellent viewing on a hungover sunday.

Feast 3 - The Happy finish (2009)

A telling sign that a movie might be awful (apart from the fact that the previous movie in the series sucked ass) is that (still wrapped in plastic) it comes with a return form from the previous owner with the reason for return being:

It's a terrible movie so I dont want it.

At least someone did the right thing.

Feast 3 follows directly from the end of part two which was one of the most stupid sequels I have ever seen, following a really good movie. What the hell happened? We follow the survivors of the second movie as they try to make it out of the monsterinfested town, all while bitching and moaning and behaving like general assholes. There is not a single character worth following and they keep repeating stuff like introducing a new character as a possible hero, killing him off 5 mins later. It worked in the first part. Not over and over again.

I mean, I watched the movie just a few days ago and I dont even remember how it ended. Thats how crappy this is. There are nice rubbermonsters, there is a lot of gore and loads of boobies but I never thought I would actually say this: It isnt enough. The movie is just too stupid and immature to be anything else than crap. Even the Scary movie franchise has more integrity than this. Example: The movie starts with a character being decapitated, her head eaten and then shat out in obnoxious closeup. If they had stopped with the first movie, Feast would have been remembered as a fun little flick, a minor cultclassic. Now its just a fun movie with two of the worst sequels ever. This is a movie that should be avoided.