The Carrier (1988)

Uh. What the hell did I just watch?

Ok, try to follow me here... the main character is a young boy living in a small town straight out of your average Stephen King novel, an outcast accused of causing the fire that killed his parents. He lives in a small rundown shack on the outskirts of town and during one cold night he is assaulted by some sort of strange creature that he manages to kill but not before being injured by its claws. This, naturally, infects him with some sort of disease that makes everyone he touches dissolve into a puddle of goo. Actually, every inanimate object he touches gets infected as well. This causes quite a big panic and after the only bridge leading into town is destroyed, people start to take things into their own hand, factions appear and everyone starts wearing plastic to avoid touching anything infected by mistake. When someone realize that cats can sense the infection the conflict heightens into a battle for ownership of the towns catpopulation.

Uh, yes. How's that for a plot? But the damndest thing is that it works just fine. The idea of the movie is frankly fucking brilliant, mindboggling in a good way. To actually manage to make a coherent movie out of this is pure genius. The budget was obviously low and some of the acting is rather amateurish but it still works just fine. The sheer spectacle of watching all these people walk around covered in plastic sheets like straight out of a low budget Italian postapocalypse movie, killing each other over who gets to own a cat is entertaining in itself.

Seriously, I dont know what else to write. This is weird shit. In an original, good way. The low budget and the nonprofessional actors keep it from reaching classicstatus, but as an experience it's so way out there that you really need to see it, without ever going into some strange arthouse mode. If only for the fact that you'd have a blast describing the plot to your friends. Think of it as Stephen King crossed with David Lynch. And face it, it's a movie about people melting. Come on. The sight of a naked woman melting into shards of broken glass make it worth watching. So buy it. Now.

Contagion (2010)

I think there is some sort of international law out there that simply states one thing: Blobmovies are always good, and making it illegal to give any of them a negative review. I havent found any documentation that proves its existence but some day I will find it. Until that day, here is another blobmovie full of gooey fun!

Contagion does not exactly have a big budget, the story is limited to about two different rooms. But, one of them is an apartment where a dirty old man is shooting porn which gives you the required quota of nudity that a decent movie has to have. Our lead character is an alcoholic painter living in the room next to it and when a female friend appears with a strange suitcase he cannot resist to open it. You know, when a suitcase contains warning signs about not releasing a contagion you should bloody well leave it alone. But, on the other hand, we wouldnt have this movie if he didnt. The titlecreature is released, some sort of black slimecreature that starts to eat its way through the cast, taking over their personalities and, well, eats more people. What more do we need? Nude women possessed by an ancient blobcreature? Check. Characters drinking paintremover in an effort to save the rest of the cast? Check. Lots of goo? Check.

Contagion feels somewhat similar in tone to the NY ratzombiemovie Mulberry street, in that it's set in a couple of rundown, crappy apartments with characters on the poor side of town, giving it that little extra bit of realism that helps the movie overcome some of it's more corny choices of dialogue and the very uneven acting. But let's face it, we dont watch a movie like this because we want to learn something about the darker side of man, we watch it for the blobs and the boobs! And that is what this movie does best! The blob effects are simple but effective without too muich resorting to bad cgi, which makes me rate the movie higher. You also have to give the filmmakers credit for managing make a decent movie that is basically set in one room. It takes at least some talent to pull that off.

So, all in all, a decent blobmovie. It has flaws but also a great deal of slime. Which is enough for me.

Alien Vs Ninja (2010)

This one has been getting a lot of bad press, people complaining on cheap effects and it's overall silliness but it seems to me that everyone is missing the point of it all. It's supposed to be cheap and cheerful, just like the grand old tradition of Kaijumovies in Japan. Because that is what it is, not another one of those movies that has followed the success of Machine Girl and Tokyo Gore Police. This is plain and simple Kaiju, with added gore. And it is entertaining as hell.

The plot is basically a ripoff of Predator with a bunch of ninjas heading home through a forest after a mission being hunted down by some sort of tentacled aliens that implants tiny aliens in the throats of the few they actually let live. All of this is just an excuse to show a lot of gore, silly humour and well staged fights. Men (and one really hot female ninja) in plastic armour fighting rubbermonsters. Now, where do I know that concept from?

Ok, so the movie has and will get a lot of shit because of some very silly humour, but as I stated earlier, that is beside the point. This movie is for people like me, lovers of rubbermonsters. You should watch this for the same reason as you watch Ultraman, Godzilla or Gamera. Because you sleep and breath rubbermonsters. If you aren't into that, then you can stop reading this review, make a mental note to never watch this movie and go back to that dvdbox of the X-men movies that you have been meaning to watch for the sixth time. But, if you are like me, you will love this. There are ninjas fighting men in rubbersuits, men in rubbersuits tearing people in half and stomping on heads and an incredibly hot female ninja doing justice to a very pretty and tight black tracksuit. Lovely. To use that old expression, it's like cotton candy for the brain. Not healthy but incredibly sweet and yummy.

If there is anything to bitch about when talking about Alien Vs Ninja it would be the fact the the movie has a rather low budget. It's set in a forest for most of the movie and the digital effects arent exactly top of the line. On the other hand, they are still effective and never spoils the entertainment. Very recommended viewing. For rubbermonsterlovers. And people who like ninjas.

Demon Resurrection (2008)

Isn't it nice when a movie delivers? You dredge through movie after movie of lowbudget uninspired dreck, made with only fragments of talent just to find some entertainment. You know, some decent gore and some gratitous nudity. Oh, and some decent plotting. I have spent a lot of time being dissapointed with movies that show some promise but in the end just boils down to being a chore to watch. Which means it is especially fun to watch a movie that doesnt dissapoint. Like William Hopkins Demon Resurrection.

The plot of this movie feels like it's taken from a 70s horrormovie, complete with evil satanists, greatlooking zombies and vengeance from beyond the grave. A group of people go out to a house in the woods to do an intervention, they believe her new boyfriend has gotten her hooked on drugs or worse. Problem is, her boyfriend is an occult writer and to help him, she joined a satanic cult for purposes of research. But, the cult got her hooked and soon she was used in a ritual to bring forth some evil creature. Yes, raped by ethereal entity. Every good movie should have a scene like that. She managed to escape but is now pregnant with Satans spawn and the cult want her back. So, naturally, they resurrect a bunch of ancient corpses to go get her. Let the fun begin.

First of all, the plot may look a bit silly on paper but it really works in the context of the movie without never feeling corny, thanks to some decent acting and those fun zombies. Ok, so some of the actors arent exactly oscarmaterial but the leads take the material seriously, especially Alexis Golightly as Grace, the lady pregnant with evil and the fact that she has several nudescenes only makes it even better. But the best part of the movie is the zombies. These nasty fellas look like they are cousins to the etruscan nasties in my favorite Italian goremovie Burial ground. Oh how I have longed for zombies to look like that, and Demon Resurrection has them in droves. It isnt the goriest movie ever made but we do get several fine gorescenes, torn out throats, glass shards that slice up bodies and other fun and red yums. The movie is shot on digital video without any major processing but looks way better than most movies with a similar budget. All in all, Demon Resurrection is a great exploitationflick made with a lot more flair that you would expect from looking at the dvdcover which makes it look like another Andreas Schnaasmovie. I really look forward to see what William Hopkins does in the future. Recommended for all gore and zombiefans.

Official site here

Prime cut (1972)

One of my favorite testosteronemovies is Walter Hills lovely firecracker of an actionmovie, Extreme Prejudice. Just looking at the cast of that movie will make your balls shrink in awe, characteractors like Nick Nolte, Powers Boothe, Michael Ironside, Rip Torn, Clancy Brown and William Forsythe. Awesome stuff indeed, a movie worthy of devotion. Now I've seen a movie where two actors manage to outman the entire cast of that flick... the greatness that is Prime Cut.

Lee Marvin plays a mobenforcer in Chicago who is sent to a small town in Texas where Gene Hackman is the cattlerancher in charge of a prostitutionring, owing the Chigago mobsters a substantial amount of money. The last person sent came in return as a package of sausages. Marvin takes a small posse, goes to Hackmans place where he is selling drugged out young girls for pleasure, calmly informs him that he has to pay up and takes one of the girls with him. Hackman gets pissed of course and sends his goons after them. Mayhem ensues.

Prime cut isnt really like anything I've ever seen. It's some sort of Lynchian Hitchcockmovie oozing of manliness and meat, going on in that special 70s pace that I love so much and is full of strange little quirks like that whole meatbusiness and an ending that is straight out of an entirely different movie. Marvin and Hackman chew the scenery like their lives depend on it and you really wish that they had more scenes together, not that the movie is dull when they arent sharing scenes but since they each outman the entire cast of Extreme prejudice youwant more. There are a couple of excellent setpieces such as when Marvin and the girl try to outsmart Hackmans aryan thugs at a county fair, ending with fun chase in a cornfield where a cropdust eats a car. Loving it. Watch this and Charley Varrick on a cozy afternoon and you have the perfect doublebill of what the seventies could offer at it's greatest moment.

And this movie also made me realize something. A 22 year old Sissy Spacek in one of her first roles is HOT! She spends the first half of the movie either nude or seminude and it is truly a gloriuos sight, making the movie even better.

So yes, if you like me is a sucker for excellent 70s thriller, you will gobble this up like an Elvis sandwich.

Not dead

No inspiration at the moment, nothing else. I have a log of about 20 movies to review and I will try to get some reviews out before the weekend, ok?

Stuff like Prime cut, Demon resurrection, Contagion And Cry of the Banshee. And maybe Book of Eli.