Beasties (1991)

 

Once in a while there comes a great movie that tells a sweeping story about the battle between good and evil, going out of its way to show love through time and space transcending every obstacle and show us just how far a man is willing to go to alter destiny. This isn't that story. It does have fragments of such a tale deep within its murky cheapo shot on super 8 shell but this is for everyone that thought that The deadly spawn was too highbrow and glossy. This is BEASTIES!!

It starts of kinda fun as a couple of handpuppets kills a couple making out in the woods. It seems they came from some sort of spacecraft (we only see the leads describing it too us, the movie is that cheap) and our brilliant hero Nelson goes into it. All of this is swiftly forgotten as we are introduced to a bunch of punks that look like they came off the set off a Ratt video. They follow the bidding of the mighty Oseris who is supposed to be the harbinger of doom as the apocalypse grows near and Nelson is his prophecised opponent in the coming storm. How this ties up with the spacecraft is kinda... forced but we do get some boobs, several cool and cheesy handpuppets and a really really bad fightscene towards the end that has choreography straight out of a pornflick before all is revealed in a final plot twist that wants to be really clever and would have been if it came out of a fifties scifimovie but is just silly. Überlow budget mega cheese that does feel like the filmmakers are fully aware of their limitations, so I suppose you could do worse.

And if you are uncertain if this is something you want to watch, take a look at this. THE BIONAUT! Isn't he adorable?